Songs have a euphoric quality to it at times. One such song of recent times is “Manasellam” from Kulir 100’. This song washed a wave of memories into my heart. About one particular friend, who kinda floated out of my life. Due to no fault of his, but my own, I pushed him away and when I did go back, he wasn’t there anymore(as a friend I mean…)This song brought those memories back, and to the point of breaking down, I listened to this song easily like a hundred times in the span of three days. And it kept bringing up his face every time and it was like a guilt trip, that I was taking, which I did not like. I started to wonder how he was, where he was, what he was doing now etc… Even fears arose, whether something untoward had happened that I did not know of.
Sheer desperation you could call it, made me pick out the number, from my MEMORY (Yes ! memory…not even out of a diary… a memory alone) and message him. I did receive an extremely formal message where I should’ve realized my limits ended. Stupid as I am, the conversation extended, where I threw a guess to his whereabouts (which I think is unfortunately right), which brought the reply to a stand still. After a barrage of sorrys and explaining that I was not stalking him and it was a guess… The curt reply came asking me to not complicate things further and to have a nice life!
This person was my best friend from some time back and continues to be one of the best people I have ever met in my life. Till date, even though this last conversation went a little sour, I will cherish it for a lifetime.
In a way, this particular thing, taught me a bit about relationships, which is why I decided to share this extremely personal experience today. It taught me that things DO change, people included. However close they are, how much ever you love them, and how much ever you want the relationship to be the same, it is going to turn. It is easier for us to expect the turn and be ready for it, than shed tears about it later.
This is something you might have read in books about change and something that I teach people on a regular basis. But sometimes, things like this are brought home by incidents as minor as this as well but do have a profound impact.
Added later ---
In an interesting turn of events, this friend of mine calls me back a coupla weeks later and asks to meet him. Lunch it was. Somehow I felt jittery, the fear of the unknown. I did not know whether we'd be the same people we used to be and whether the warmth we shared would still be there. I walked in and sat down.
From the moment, I said hello till I said Goodbye that day, every moment will be another memory for the keeps. Not one moment did I feel like we had been apart all the years and I knew instantly, why I missed him so much. He explained how I shouldn't blame myself for what happened and the relationship that was once so beautiful, continues to stay alive with him as well. But we chose to remain the way we are now, for the good of his family and for our peace of mind. Ours was always an open relationship and it stays that way(in his own words..)
This post is a huge thank you...for that special friend, who will continue to take the same place in my heart, come what may. If you are reading this... Remember, you are the Best friend I ever had and it will always remain that way(the term reserved only to you).
Relationships once formed, just remain with you. Whether the person is with you or not, whether we are able to share our lives or not, our memories remain intertwined with each other and someday, somewhere, somehow it will give us the strength to go on, to remember that there is someone who still cares for us. No matter what.
